I have no idea how many singles have to be sold in a week to make the coveted Number One slot - but since the bulk of chart CDs are reported to be bought by under 12s it would be interesting to find out how Eamon, currently in the top spot for the second week, made it to pole position. The reason? His record, called for the purposes of all the publicity I Don't Want you Back, is actually entitled F*** It: I Don't Want you Back and contains at least 20 F words, and a good few other things that would take some explaining to a little one. Yes, it carries a warning on the front of the case: "Parental Advisory Explicit Content. Strong Language. Sexual Content.' But that doesn't seem to make the slightest difference to any of the radio stations, or indeed to the BBC's flagship pop programme Top of the Pops, which have all featured Eamon and the carefully edited, multi-bleeped-out version of his song practically without comment. I wonder how many parents are even aware of the musical tastes of their children, never mind listen to the CDs they buy with their pocket money (this one is only £1.99 making it one of the cheapest). In a week when television watchdogs OFCOM have followed up parents' concerns by criticising the soaps in particular for their unsuitable pre-watershed storylines I find it hard to believe that a record like this can become a chart-topper without anyone kicking up a stink about it. The thought of young children at primary school singing this song with all its obscenities in the playground frankly fills me with horror, but as far as I have been able to establish the record stores sell it to anyone who asks. Yes, the world is a changing place, but what is the point of all the initiatives designed to eradicate the anti-social behaviour of our youth when their number one choice of record is basically full of filth? Doesn't anybody care any more? ********** The wrong way I have no doubt that some people attached to the Barnardo's organisation will think they did in fact achieve something worthwhile with their distasteful campaign intending to highlight child poverty. The fact that it emerged as the most complained about campaign of the year according to the Advertising Standards Authority meant that people were at least talking about it, they'd say, suggesting then that the end justified the means. The problem is that the campaign featuring cockroaches crawling into a baby's mouth simply repulsed people so much that they didn't want to know, and certainly didn't think about donating money. Indeed, it will be interesting to see whether donations are down when Barnardo's does its sums. If child poverty is a problem on the scale that Barnardo's claims it is, then there must surely be more effective ways of highlighting it than giving us cause to simply turn the page. ********** Great effort What a marvellous effort from the Falcons at the weekend to win the Powergen Cup and donate the prize money to the fund for Soa Otuvaka, the Tongan player who died from a brain tumour just a few weeks ago aged 25. And what a great effort from all those fans that made the journey to Twickenham to prove that being from Newcastle isn't all about football. ********** Seeing too much of Posh and Becks I read somewhere that David Beckham was given a standing ovation at the Royal Albert Hall this week when he accompanied his wife to some meaningless showbiz bash or other. Why was that exactly? Were the people there merely applauding his new haircut or his brave choice of fashion accessory - no less than three crucifixes. I thought he might at least have tried an outfit made out of sackcloth and ashes for his first appearance in the limelight - or maybe Dolce and Gabbana haven't got round to that yet. No, Mr Beckham has now shot himself in his fantastically talented foot and would do well to lie low for a while - with or without his wife. I really did feel sorry for her as she posed, preened and pranced down the red carpet like a child performing at stage school while hanging on to her smug-looking husband's arm for dear life. Why couldn't she just behave like a normal person - or stay home? Okay, so she is not a normal person. And there is much at stake right now for the Beckham brand. But most of us are sick of the sight of Posh and Becks. Surely they don't need a Max Clifford to pass on just two words of good advice. SHUT UP! ********** Anne Robinson has a facelift - grimly fascinating to see, isn't it - in order to maintain her television momentum. Michael Parkinson is approaching 70, gets more and more craggy and lined and lands a new two-year contract without any suggestion that he might be past it. Who can deny there's one rule for men - and another much stricter one for women? ********** So confusing I am confused. First they tell us they want everyone to have the opportunity to go to university. Then they announce that fees are to increase which will surely limit those who have the resources to go. Then they tell us we need more doctors and make it difficult for those who want to be doctors to find a place. Then they say that more teenagers should have vocational training because not everyone is "book clever". And they decide to pay 16-year-olds to stay on at school because they want everyone to stay on - and go to university. No wonder kids don't know what they want any more. Even the grown-ups don't understand it. ********** Screen earlier I was moved to tears by the many accounts of cancer victim Caron Keating's funeral the other day and the contents of the heartfelt letter from her mother, Gloria Hunniford, which was read out at the service. So I can only imagine the feelings of all those other young women in their 30s and 40s who are also battling breast cancer right now and must be wondering in their heart of hearts if their fight, like Caron's, will eventually be lost. Breast cancer remains probably the most feared of all diseases and yet in this country we don't start looking for it until a woman reaches 50. I know it would cost plenty but wouldn't it make a huge difference if women could be screened when they were much younger? I appreciate it is harder to detect breast cancer among younger women. But peace of mind is a saviour in itself and early detection could save many families the heartache of finding out too late. | 
